Anger, desolation, hate, depravity, longing for the unachievable, enemizing the outside world, place the ego upon a pedestal, worship ecstasy, see only the now, live moment by moment, embrace nothingness.
Chew, swallow, regurgitate, repeat, jaded, afraid to believe anything, relying on own observations, questioning those observations, unable to interpret, no test, no evidence, only the gut reaction.
Childish wonder snuffed out by bleak reality. Unknowable. The education system failed to provide me with the necessary tools to understand the world as it really is. As the scientific consensus says it is. I'm reduced to a husk begging for what it can never have. The time of learning has ended. The time of doing has begun.
I have the critical mind, but it is unable to settle. No answers to be found. I was given the keys to a machine that won't start. It's a gift that does me no good. Opportunities wasted, I dug my own grave. I pay now for the misguided decisions of my youth. I developed the wrong skills. I live a lie. I live the wrong life. No way out in sight. Future is bleak. Perhaps like Dick says, it's all just an illusion.
